I was sincerly and genuinely happy to be at the turf I can do more with my passion – in mind to help more others. Really felt lucky. Felt like being recognised my years of contribution to the nation and felt honour to be trusted to make more positive change – especially in the area of education and digital transformation. The word grateful does not justified it. It felt awesome too.

Loved the work and believed that growth would come with time. But, despite all sincerity, efforts, sacrifices and prayers, some doors remain closed. It is the only door I needed since I got hired and become an educator. About 16 years of dreaming and wishing for it, sadly it was just a painful hallucination. Self funded my undergraduate degree; the master inservice overseas application is my final desperation.

Running patience for years, sadly like all living things it can die too. After much reflection, I surrendered and with heavy heart, I submitted my request to transfer — not because I no longer care, but because I owe it to myself to seek peace and hopefully I can recover and find myself again. I’m leaving the terms of responsibilties, because I don’t have enough creadibility to be in the role. I can’t lead, mentor, coach when others have far better credibility.

Sometimes I wonder, if I had the neccesarry love, trust and support, given the chance – would I be in this situation? Would I feel very helpless today. Lost, lack of belief, like the atheism.

Semua kata sabar.. tapi siapa faham bila hati dah retak?