Allen Morris | a pseudonym

Surrender to heal

I was sincerly and genuinely happy to be at the turf I can do more with my passion – in mind to help more others. Really felt lucky. Felt like being recognised my years of contribution to the nation and felt honour to be trusted to make more positive change – especially in the area of education and digital transformation. The word grateful does not justified it. It felt awesome too.

Loved the work and believed that growth would come with time. But, despite all sincerity, efforts, sacrifices and prayers, some doors remain closed. It is the only door I needed since I got hired and become an educator. About 16 years of dreaming and wishing for it, sadly it was just a painful hallucination. Self funded my undergraduate degree; the master inservice overseas application is my final desperation.

Running patience for years, sadly like all living things it can die too. After much reflection, I surrendered and with heavy heart, I submitted my request to transfer — not because I no longer care, but because I owe it to myself to seek peace and hopefully I can recover and find myself again. I’m leaving the terms of responsibilties, because I don’t have enough creadibility to be in the role. I can’t lead, mentor, coach when others have far better credibility.

Sometimes I wonder, if I had the neccesarry love, trust and support, given the chance – would I be in this situation? Would I feel very helpless today. Lost, lack of belief, like the atheism.

Semua kata sabar.. tapi siapa faham bila hati dah retak?

Nothing but despair

I dreamt of halls where minds would grow,
Of distant paths I longed to know.
I carried hopes through sleepless nights,
Believing effort would make things right.

I studied hard, I gave my best,
Endured the doubts, outworked the rest.
I sent my dreams in ink and prayer,
Certain that someone, somewhere, would care.

But letters came with words so cold,
Polite refusals, neatly told.
Years of longing disappeared,
Reduced to “We regret…” and tears.

I watched my peers move on ahead,
While all my aspirations bled.
Their futures opened, bright and wide;
Mine quietly withered inside.

I once believed that prayers could heal,
That faith and perseverance were real.
Yet silence answered every plea,
And hope became a memory.

The hardest part is not rejection,
Nor bearing disappointment’s weight.
It is mourning the life imagined—
A future lost before its date.

So I return to where I stand,
An empty letter in my hand.
Smiling still, as people do,
While carrying a sorrow few can view.

For some dreams die without a sound,
No final words, no sacred ground.
Only a heart, worn thin with care,
And nothing left but quiet despair.

Talked about .bn domain name

It nice to talk randomly. Today is with the awesome people of Brunei Cyber Security Association (BCSA). Not only particularly about the Fortinet issue I had with schools, but more about wanting the .bn ( dot bn) domain name of our country-code top-level domain (ccTLD) for Brunei Darussalam to be cheaper and accessible to Bruneian easily.

For now The following sub-domains are currently open for registration:

• .com.bn for companies and business
• .net.bn for network providers
• .edu.bn for educational institutions
• .org.bn for non-profit organisations
• .gov.bn for use on behalf of Government of Brunei Darussalam

It is about $100 Brunei dollars per year? correct me if I’m wrong. Official registrar (authorised by BNNIC) are DST and Imagine only.

Again, hope it will be cheaper. As ChatGPT’s had provided its thoughts:

A cheaper country-code top-level domain (ccTLD) can provide several economic and innovation benefits for techno-entrepreneurs, startups, and SMEs. If a government keeps domain registration costs low and makes registration simple, it can encourage greater digital participation and business growth.

Benefits for Techno-Entrepreneurs and SMEs

1. Lower Cost of Market Entry

• Startups and small businesses often operate with limited capital.
• Affordable domain names reduce initial business setup costs.
• Entrepreneurs can allocate more resources to product development, marketing, and talent acquisition.

2. Increased Digital Adoption

• More businesses are encouraged to establish an online presence.
• SMEs can create websites, e-commerce stores, portfolios, and digital services more easily.
• Supports national digital transformation goals.

3. Stronger National Brand Identity

• A country domain helps businesses promote local identity and trust.
• For example:
  • .sg for Singapore
  • .my for Malaysia
  • .bn for Brunei
• Consumers often perceive local domains as more trustworthy and relevant.

4. Growth of the Digital Economy

• More websites lead to increased online transactions, digital services, and innovation.
• Creates opportunities for web developers, digital marketers, hosting providers, and IT consultants.

5. Encourages Innovation and Experimentation

• Entrepreneurs can launch multiple projects, prototypes, and startups at lower risk.
• Universities, students, and innovators can test ideas without significant financial commitment.

6. Improves SME Competitiveness

• Local SMEs can compete more effectively against larger international firms.
• Professional websites enhance credibility and customer confidence.

7. Supports Export and International Visibility

• SMEs can showcase products and services globally.
• A strong national domain ecosystem increases the country’s digital footprint.

Potential Policy Measures

Governments or domain registries could:

• Offer discounted domains for startups and SMEs.
• Provide free first-year registration.
• Bundle domains with email and basic hosting.
• Offer special rates for educational institutions and social enterprises.
• Create startup digitalization grants that include domain registration.

Example for Brunei (.bn)

If .bn domains were significantly cheaper:

• More local businesses could establish websites.
• More educators, NGOs, freelancers, and startups could create online platforms.
• The national digital economy could benefit from greater online participation.
• Brunei could strengthen its digital identity and support the goals of a knowledge-based economy.

Economic Impact Chain

Cheaper Domains → More Website Registrations → More SMEs Online → Increased Digital Commerce → More Innovation & Employment → Stronger Digital Economy

For policymakers, affordable country domains should be viewed not merely as a revenue source but as a digital infrastructure investment that stimulates entrepreneurship, innovation, and economic diversification.

On ORS Plus

Went to work with a stomach ache. No snowflake today.

I want to quit too

I felt very envious. #MeToo. If only I had known that a few years after taking out a housing loan, I would end up here, very unhappy. No matter how good my days are or how much I smile and laugh, I still feel the pain; like now. Work is fairly easy, but the feeling of demotivated and demoralised, lingers. I’m not perfect or fabulous, but I was once passionate, honest and excited. I lost my compass because I needed to be credible to do my work. I sincerly wanted to become an instructional technologist.

I don’t need your prayers. I’ve asked for them many times, in holy and unholy places, but I still did not get an in-service scholarship. Prayers does not work. Human’s decision are more fatal. I’m asking for something different: if there is an opening (job) that provides enough to sustain my living, kindly give me a heads-up.

Thank you, help me find and be happy again.

Work is easy; emotions are not.

That’s a line a lot of people recognize.

Work often has rules, procedures, deadlines, and measurable outcomes. Even when it’s difficult, there’s usually a path: do the task, solve the problem, complete the project.

Emotion is different. You can’t always reason your way through grief, loneliness, love, disappointment, or uncertainty. There’s no checklist that guarantees a result, and progress isn’t always visible. Sometimes you can work hard emotionally and still feel stuck.

In that sense, work can be exhausting, but emotions are often more complex because they involve needs, relationships, identity, expectations, and things outside our control.

A different way to put it might be:

• Work asks for effort.
• Emotion asks for vulnerability.

ChatGPT

“Mahathir” mango

Actually, it was the Chinese aunty in the neighbourhood who gave this to me, not the Chinese uncle. And hey, I’m not racist, despite what some people claim. 😂

My second sister said that during Chinese New Year, I should make sure to return the favour. Anyhow, this isn’t my first time receiving one, but I’m always excited whenever I get a jumbo mango.

There’s nothing particularly new about a giant mango, but it’s always well appreciated. My dad is a Kedayan and has green fingers – farming is his hobby – so I grew up surrounded by vegetables and fruits. Plenty of opportunities to learn, but I was too stubborn to pay attention.

So here they are for the memory album: a 24 cm and a 28 cm “Mahathir” mango. They seem ripe already, so into the fridge they go. I enjoy eating mangoes cold, although I still can’t appreciate Korean Mul Naengmyeon (cold noodle soup). 😆

Anyway, once again, xie xie, Aunty Subok!

Jika doaku tidak dimakbulkan, adakah sumpahku boleh dikabulkan?

If sincere prayers with good intentions go unanswered, can my curse become reality?